Run rabit run, dig that hole forget the sun
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Why are there all these mother fucking Tuesdays on my mother fucking plane?
Sherlock Holmes knows why, and if you are a traditionalist, then I'm sure you hated the new Sherlock Movie. But if you are a Guy Richy fan, then it was, to say, FUCKING AWESOME. I've never liked Sherlock more than this. If you haven't rented it now, then get to it. Just be prepared, it was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be and I really had to pee by the end.
Oh and some ground rats go to high school or some shit. I will watch it, but only to decide how badly my childhood memories have been molested by the corporate studios.
Monday, March 29, 2010
You're invited to the BEST DAMN BAR CRAWL EVER!!!
It's Iowa City's Weekend After Easter Boozing Extravaganza!!! The 19-year-old girls will only be allowed in the bars for 3 MORE MONTHS!!! So come get 'um while they're drunk AND naive!
Follow your official Iowa City tour guide BLACK DAVE as he stumbles his way through all the hottest spots in the old capitol. Need a place to crash? No Problem! Snuggle up next to Amish on Dave's apartment floor.*
Exclusive seats on Goathead's funky fun bus are filling up fast, so reserve yours soon, or be left in Des Moines with all the other fun haters!!!
*Dave reserves the right to charge you two drinks per spot on the floor.
Follow your official Iowa City tour guide BLACK DAVE as he stumbles his way through all the hottest spots in the old capitol. Need a place to crash? No Problem! Snuggle up next to Amish on Dave's apartment floor.*
Exclusive seats on Goathead's funky fun bus are filling up fast, so reserve yours soon, or be left in Des Moines with all the other fun haters!!!
*Dave reserves the right to charge you two drinks per spot on the floor.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
God Called:
He said he wants to see you in his office right away. Cause you're fucking fired!
I'm a little late to the Health Care party, but I wanted to throw my three-fifty into the pile. Considering that I spent the past year and a half without health coverage and actually needed it on a couple of occasions, I was selfishly hoping the bill would pass. I don't know how its going to effect the country as a whole, but I think there are thousands of individuals who will benefit greatly. My sister and I would have benefited from it this past year.
I never did try to get health coverage because I didn't think I would need it. Last year my sister was dropped from my parents insurance and she tried to buy her own coverage. She was denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition. The pre-existing condition they cited was a heart murmur she had repaired when she was 14. She hasn't had any problems since, but if something were to happen today, she would be screwed. I thought the denial was total bullshit, and it makes me feel better knowing that they won't be able to pull that kind of crap anymore.
I can sympathize with the people who are uneasy about socialization of health care, but its a bit too late to get all puritan capitalist up in here. After all, we've already got socialized education, a socialized police force, and a socialized space program. I'd much rather see my tax money going toward someone's cancer treatment than a taser, or a new toilet on the space shuttle.
I don't know the details on the abortion thing, but I suspect it's all FOX NEWS' fault that people are upset about it. Someone needs to take Glenn Beck off the air before he has half the country convinced that all the democrats are possessed by satan. Shit, its probably too late already.
I'm a little late to the Health Care party, but I wanted to throw my three-fifty into the pile. Considering that I spent the past year and a half without health coverage and actually needed it on a couple of occasions, I was selfishly hoping the bill would pass. I don't know how its going to effect the country as a whole, but I think there are thousands of individuals who will benefit greatly. My sister and I would have benefited from it this past year.
I never did try to get health coverage because I didn't think I would need it. Last year my sister was dropped from my parents insurance and she tried to buy her own coverage. She was denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition. The pre-existing condition they cited was a heart murmur she had repaired when she was 14. She hasn't had any problems since, but if something were to happen today, she would be screwed. I thought the denial was total bullshit, and it makes me feel better knowing that they won't be able to pull that kind of crap anymore.
I can sympathize with the people who are uneasy about socialization of health care, but its a bit too late to get all puritan capitalist up in here. After all, we've already got socialized education, a socialized police force, and a socialized space program. I'd much rather see my tax money going toward someone's cancer treatment than a taser, or a new toilet on the space shuttle.
I don't know the details on the abortion thing, but I suspect it's all FOX NEWS' fault that people are upset about it. Someone needs to take Glenn Beck off the air before he has half the country convinced that all the democrats are possessed by satan. Shit, its probably too late already.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
After Tuesday Review
Psychic powers, Army, goats, Jeff B., Kevin S., George C., LSD, and a search for destiny. Any combination of these would make for a good movie. Altogether makes for one awesome movie. As this reporter strives to prove himself in the face of his life going to crap, his journey reveals that destiny has other things in mind. Beyond that are a bunch of back story segments that continue to lend to the plot without distracting the audience. If you have not yet seen this film, then go knock over your local Blockbuster now. For now the world needs the Jedi more than ever.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Du . . . du hast
I was going to write a little about the health care bill but then I
expended my energy in the comment to Dave's post (edit: well, guess
what, I wrote it after all). Here is the short version: we need more
rational examination of both the attractive and the ugly with this
thing, like what's going on here. What's making me want to serial kill
kill kill is the insane reactionary and, in the case that sent me over
the edge, morally legislative people screaming about abortion, all the
fucking babies, holy cow, the Federal Gov't is shoving the things
headfirst into the salad shooters. My (admittedly limited)
understanding of the bill is that it doesn't change anything about
federal money and abortion, and that Stupak got Obama to promise an
exec order explicitly (and redundantly) barring federal money for
abortions.
expended my energy in the comment to Dave's post (edit: well, guess
what, I wrote it after all). Here is the short version: we need more
rational examination of both the attractive and the ugly with this
thing, like what's going on here. What's making me want to serial kill
kill kill is the insane reactionary and, in the case that sent me over
the edge, morally legislative people screaming about abortion, all the
fucking babies, holy cow, the Federal Gov't is shoving the things
headfirst into the salad shooters. My (admittedly limited)
understanding of the bill is that it doesn't change anything about
federal money and abortion, and that Stupak got Obama to promise an
exec order explicitly (and redundantly) barring federal money for
abortions.
So in this context abortion stances shouldn't matter, since shit isn't
changing. And then people in internet land are writing about what a
dark day it is when we're legislating abortion, and other people are
reading it and getting all Yeah! Screw them bastards! And my fear is
that we won't have a chance to rationally evaluate anything because
people who want to transmute their personal interpretation of an old
book's ambiguous interpretation of the whims of an omnipotent and
invisible being into laws that govern the lives of everyone else will
come together to pray and vote and wave their fucking placards around
and scream at people who disagree with them. And in this case they're
rallying around something that seems not even to be an issue. How do
you argue against that kind of fearful/hateful/emotionally-driven
insanity?
I almost jumped into one facebook exchange yesterday that ended with
the (well, according to me) enemy essentially saying the case is
closed because his religion dictates his politics. Which itself is
insanity. This sort of thing is one reason I've become a little
hostile about religion in general: it is a dangerous tool with which
to manipulate masses of people who have willingly and gladly
short-circuited their logic in favor of whatever cloud of mystical
ideas happen to be prevalent around where they grew up. Once you start
discounting all opposing arguments because they conflict with the way
you interpet a translated string of text from a 1800 year-old
collection of writings about divinity, you're setting yourself up as a
seer or an oracle. And it doesn't matter if you're wrong because you
can't be wrong.
Holy shit it makes me straight insane.
Whew.
Okay.
Forgive me.
Let me offer you this:
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Here's the real impetus for this post, though. I wouldn't have just
started typing, probably, no matter how insane with rage (this morning
I actually had a rage hangover). Anyway, here's what I wanted to share
with you:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2010/mar/21/tom-bissell-video-game-cocaine-addiction
about GTAIV and cocaine. It's a really nice article. Real nice. And
then I found out this author has a whole book coming out about the
video games:
What do you think? Huh?
Let's talk about some other stuff while I'm here. What do you think?
(Dave, this is what I meant about having a procrastination problem as
well.)
1) I am close to finishing a very long novel. Tonight, while talking
about books we read, Sarah said if she were to buy me a novel, she
would look for something loaded up with vulgarity, sex, and drug
abuse. Guess what! This book I wrote is bloated with all three of
these! Actually, there's not a whole lot of sex in the narrative. But,
you know. There's enough, baby. Enough. Anyway her evaluation of my
literary tastes was pretty accurate, is what I'm saying.
2) I decided to become a horror novelist too, but I think I'm gonna
give that up.
3) Starbucks is running this promotion where you buy a coffee every
week for eight weeks or some number of weeks and then you get a free
pound. Pretty great! Sadly I already blew it.
4) We have a lot of stuff here you don't have up there. And I'm not
just talking about palm trees and the tequila bar across the street.
I'm talking lizards all over the place outside. I'm talking a
motherfucking space center. But what I was really thinking about when
I started this paragraph was this taco chain called Tijuana Flats.
5) This is gonna be it. It's a recipe from dinner tonight I cobbled
from lots of websites:
take some beef. Make some patties. Then, in a separate bowl, mix up
pepper, some salt, paprika, thyme if you have it. Pat this shit over
the burgers. Onto the skillet or grill pan. With two minutes left to
cook. slap on some blue cheese. Then some pickapeppa sauce. Do you
have that up there?
Sarah's a big fan.
BONUS FOR GOATHEAD:
Salmon burgers:
Take some salmon and hack it up. Raw here. Cut it up raw. Then press
the chunks (maybe each the size of an 8x2 LEGO) into patties. Get some
chives in there and some black pepper. Brush with oil and grill 15
minutes. MAN. Just don't drop one to the floor when you transfer it to
the plate. Because you overpaid for this fucking salmon. Try not to
swear too much if you do.
Redonkeydickulous
Let's talk about the elephant in the room: Health Care Reform. READ HERE FOR A SIMPLIFIED BREAKDOWN. From what I understand, and I really don't understand any of it, is government-issued health care (Medicare) fixed and defined, with regulations on everybody else. It also benefits people who make less than 30k/year. As well as people who are already sick. Or old. Or sick and old and poor.
The big worry I have encountered so far is that everyone has to get insurance or pay penalties. This seems bogus, but shouldn't you have insurance anyway? I think that the Tea Parties really exploited the Walmart shopper in all of us. If we don't have to spend money on something we need, then why spend it? That seems to be in between the lines of every Obama-is-Stalin anti-HCR page I've Googled. Then there's this whole "I'm insuring lazy n-words who don't want to work!" Yes, that is true to a point. But one really have to understand: you are also paying for people who need it, too. Everyone pays for people who cheat the system, but you don't see people protesting this directly.
Don't think that I'm being entirely a Democrat on this subject. My big worry is where is this money going to come from? My view on HCR has drastically changed since I got insured through Pearson. I don't qualify for anything that was changed and I don't see it's immediate affect on me. But who is going to pay for everything? All the information I find on it is from extreme-sided individuals of the Republican persuasion, and I can only trust them on a Wikipedia-based level (never any credible sources, just information they heard John Beck and Rush Limbaugh vomit out). The Democrats are just as bad too: they acted like Obama parted the Red Seas to deliver a Falcon Punch into Ramses' pregnant wife's belly. But really, what was done doesn't affect me... and I don't know anyone who it's going to affect immediately other than my family, maybe?
I am really afraid to hear anyone's opinions on this matter in person. All I have heard in person is worry and uncertainty, aside from the extremes of screaming about Socialism & how Obama has saved the children (but not the British children). The best analogy I can think of is hearing the overly loud and verbally obnoxious gang-banging teenager on a bus. You can't drown them out and you can't tell them to shut up. You just have to suffer until either you or he gets off the bus. This is very true about politics and the media: they only show the loud, belligerent and very uneducated people. In the end, it comes down to the ratings and the issues and having that one interview that gets into the history books. Unfortunately, this is all with the backdrop of a very confusing and overwhelming health care reform that I'm not entirely sure we needed.
I'm stepping off the soap box. Here's a picture.
The big worry I have encountered so far is that everyone has to get insurance or pay penalties. This seems bogus, but shouldn't you have insurance anyway? I think that the Tea Parties really exploited the Walmart shopper in all of us. If we don't have to spend money on something we need, then why spend it? That seems to be in between the lines of every Obama-is-Stalin anti-HCR page I've Googled. Then there's this whole "I'm insuring lazy n-words who don't want to work!" Yes, that is true to a point. But one really have to understand: you are also paying for people who need it, too. Everyone pays for people who cheat the system, but you don't see people protesting this directly.
Don't think that I'm being entirely a Democrat on this subject. My big worry is where is this money going to come from? My view on HCR has drastically changed since I got insured through Pearson. I don't qualify for anything that was changed and I don't see it's immediate affect on me. But who is going to pay for everything? All the information I find on it is from extreme-sided individuals of the Republican persuasion, and I can only trust them on a Wikipedia-based level (never any credible sources, just information they heard John Beck and Rush Limbaugh vomit out). The Democrats are just as bad too: they acted like Obama parted the Red Seas to deliver a Falcon Punch into Ramses' pregnant wife's belly. But really, what was done doesn't affect me... and I don't know anyone who it's going to affect immediately other than my family, maybe?
I am really afraid to hear anyone's opinions on this matter in person. All I have heard in person is worry and uncertainty, aside from the extremes of screaming about Socialism & how Obama has saved the children (but not the British children). The best analogy I can think of is hearing the overly loud and verbally obnoxious gang-banging teenager on a bus. You can't drown them out and you can't tell them to shut up. You just have to suffer until either you or he gets off the bus. This is very true about politics and the media: they only show the loud, belligerent and very uneducated people. In the end, it comes down to the ratings and the issues and having that one interview that gets into the history books. Unfortunately, this is all with the backdrop of a very confusing and overwhelming health care reform that I'm not entirely sure we needed.
I'm stepping off the soap box. Here's a picture.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Dodge is for Doin' Stuff
This morning I heard a new Dodge Ram commercial on the radio. Dodge understands that some people are concerned with the environmental impact of their vehicle. Dodge wants you to know that they also understand you've got oil rigs to build and a smart car just isn't going to haul a bulldozer into the amazon jungle. It would get stuck and the driver would be eaten by jaguars. That's why they are still making huge gas-sucking iron beasts. Cause you're too busy "doin' stuff" to be concerned with all that namby-pamby environmental crap. Let those college educated wieners save the pandas. We've got STUFF to do. Stuff that can only be done in the driver's seat of a brand new Dodge Ram pickup.
I shit you not--doin' stuff. That's their response to the smart cars.
I shit you not--doin' stuff. That's their response to the smart cars.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Stop smoking dope or the unicorn is your only friend
This little bit comes from the kiwis down under. Amateurish and a bit slow at times, they still made the effort without being pretentious. So I applaud them. The overall plot was good, but the pacing was erratic. The acting believable and not to terribly horrible. Put it towards the bottom of your Netflix queue and let sneak up on you.
If you do want a mid-budget, some-what funny zombie flick to go with it, then grab this one as well. A zombies ruin prom theme. Not to over the top, with a 90's movie feel to it that works. I bought it awhile ago and put it on the shelf with the rest of my zombie movies. Not sure if Netflix even has this one. I'll check later.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Follow Your Dreams
The challenge is still there!
The blog has become a unicorn comparing contest. Henceforth my next post will be something useful. But for now, Buckaroo Banzai awaits me.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Always I Want to Be With You
And make-believe with you and live in harmony, harmony, oh love.
Can anyone surpass me?!
Labels: Robot Unicorn Attack
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Cinemax would be proud or Spelling Nazi need not apply
So to continue in the zombie movie kick, here's another one.
You can thank Netflix later for the pain and suffering I going to put you through. So in the trailers on the "Dead Snow" DVD was one for a movie called "Dead Air". So to sum up, all is going nuts outside thanks to a viral attack and this radio talk show host is trapped in his studio trying to manage his way through the crisis. Now this is not a zombie movie but a virus, viral infection, or outbreak movie, how ever you want to be a douche bag about it, and it just got lumped in the same way "28 Days Later" did because mainstream reviewers didn't have the capacity to explain it any other way. Oh hell, they just blatantly stole the whole idea from 28 and put a different spin on it. It was like one of those low budget movies you see late night on Cinemax but only have one boob shot and you where hoping for a soft core lesbian sex scene.
Well that's it in a nut shell. The acting was OK and Bill Mosley did a decent job, but did not sell me on the believability that these characters are in this dire situation. The quality was good but the camera shot's directed poorly, hence the late night Cinemax feel to the whole thing, and then they put a terrorist angle on it that was just stupid and really did nothing for the story but was the same old shit we've all seen before in other movies. In fact the only thing that it had going for it was the initial concept. Which is why I took a chance on it in the first place. If I had a million to redo this, I'd keep Bill and the idea but toss the rest, use real fucking zombies and no terror angle, they are just zombies, you don't need to know where they come from, they have no motivation, but to just to munch on you. This could of been a really good movie with a spin we haven't seen yet, but it disappoints. Zombies and zombiettes need not bother with this one. Still it was better than "Zombie Nation". Just ask Romy how bad that movie was, and not funny bad either.
And in case you ask, "28 Days Later" has no zombies, "Quarantine" does. Next one I want to see is from across the pond called "I Sell the Dead" with that guy who plays Charlie on "Lost". Out towards the end of the month and hoping it helps redeem the low budget zombie genre.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Refund This
I got my tax return on Friday, and I've already pretty much blown it on magic beans and rocket-propelled dinosaurs. I suppose it's helping the economy.
Speaking of, today at work we took a walk for the hell of it. It was nice. The weather was in the upper 50s (possibly lower 60s) and the sun was out. It was like a recess! Why does being an adult mean life has to suck?
Don't answer that.
Speaking of, today at work we took a walk for the hell of it. It was nice. The weather was in the upper 50s (possibly lower 60s) and the sun was out. It was like a recess! Why does being an adult mean life has to suck?
Don't answer that.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
mother
I'm pinch hitting for a part of my department that had to go home
early. What does that mean? I'm administering the student survey. What
does that mean? I'm fucking around on a computer at the front of a
classroom empty of students and full of computers. We've also got a
shitload of snacks on carts--or the remains of a shitload:
early. What does that mean? I'm administering the student survey. What
does that mean? I'm fucking around on a computer at the front of a
classroom empty of students and full of computers. We've also got a
shitload of snacks on carts--or the remains of a shitload:
Some chocolate rice krispy treats
Some regular rice krispy treats
Some bagged peanuts
Some candy bars
I've been in here ten minutes and already four staff members have come
in to take snacks, which are supposed to be for students who've
completed the survey. This isn't really a big deal, but the last one
literally just walked out saying, "Don't worry, I only took four."
I've also had students come in and start rifling through the
assortment. You have to take the survey! I said. I took it last week,
one replied. How many days have they been in here stoking the fat
fires of their guts? And the work studies, who've been running the
show, I've seen waddling down the hall arms loaded with almost more
than they could carry. The look was like unto that you see on an
animal caught in the glare of a flashlight before it bolts for the
nearest bush.
I also had another student come in and sit down and start typing away.
Are you here for the survey? I said, and she just looked at me. I can
print? she said. Sure, I said (we're in a regular pc lab). I can
print, she said. I can print? I don't know, I said. Can you usually?
But I can print? She poked around and nothing happened. She moved to
another machine, and another, and another. She could never print, and
the survey, which was loaded on every machine, is now gone from those.
Holy lord.
Complicating my ilfe, I've become aware of two full-time English
professorships at a community college here. Now, I know, CC's, not
that exciting, but come on! Teach 15 hours a week, office hours 10, a
real English Dept., a real school, campus, classes that are beyond
remedial English, the chance to teach creative writing courses,
visiting writers, a library with real books, cafes on campus, holy
shit. The only thing is that I'd have to actually start working again.
Right now I'm on a pleasant sort of autopilot. I'm also damn good at
the current job, as I've been doing it for two years now. Also, Sarah
and I are looking to get the eff out. This would only complicate the
escape.
Here's a passage from Angels, by Denis Johnson
"Hey," Jamie said. "I can't use that talk. Be a gentleman, how about."
"How about if I whip it out and piss on you?" the man said. "How's
that for a gentleman?"
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
To bad it's in German
Nazi Zombies, College Youths, Nazi Gold, Gore, and Snow. Mix any three of these together and you have this film. The plot is simple and the action is much in the vein of the Evil Dead series, or at least it payed homage to it time and time again. Not that it's a horrible movie, just amateurish in the writing. The make-up was good for what they wanted to accomplish and even the actors were not all that bad. The cinematography even gave a decent go. It was just so damn predictable, like they had this idea that lets do Nazi Zombies in the snow and then watched Evil Dead and Scooby Doo before writing it. If you like zombies, then Netflix it, if you don't, I'm sure there is a trailer that has the majority of the good scenes in it and you will get the idea. All in all, I can't wait for the American version.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
I Don't Want to Sound Gay or Anything...
...but unicorns are kick ass. Seriously, it's like playing a Trapper Keeper cover.
A half-baked social map
This morning I was sitting around thinking about pirates and I realized that most of the people I know can be shoved into one of four social categories:
1: Royalty
2: Pirates
3: Ninjas
and
4: drunks
General Assumptions
1: All people are primarily out for their own advancement, even if they don't know it.
2: The fourth category can be combined with any of the first three categories, resulting in a combo category.
Royalty
Kings and Queens and Court Jesters
These are the people who advance themselves through some variation of political positioning. They carefully plan their moves, often setting plans far into the future. They are VERY concerned with how they are perceived by others. They usually have well-defined day-to-day plans and major objectives. Royal people will entertain many alliances and have no qualms with maintaining an alliance purely for political gain.
Pirates
Salty (sometimes even scurvy) Sea Dogs
Pirates take what they want. They will step on shoes, cut throats, and cannonball your mother to get it. They don't care how loud or stupid they may look while they're doing it, either, so long as they get the booty in the end. A pirate will have a few close pirate chums, but even those are expendable in the right circumstances.
Ninjas
Do you hear that?
Ninjas slip in while you're asleep, take everything, crap on your sleeping face, and leave before you can smell it. Ninjas don't want to be noticed. They want the rest of the world to go about its business while they play in the shadows. If you discover a ninja at play, he will probably cut your head off. Ninjas work alone or in small clans.
drunks
Anyone can be a drunk. Royal people have to attend a lot of parties to keep up appearances, so they tend to be social drinkers. Pirates party HARD. Ninjas prefer a sober mind, but like a shot of saki to unwind.
Drunks live day to day. The big picture doesn't make sense to them, so they tend to just try and make it through with the least amount of pain and difficulty possible. Drunks have lost their dreams, so they substitute them with an alcoholic haze. Drunks have many drinking buddies but don't remember all of their names.
Examples:
Tiger Woods is definitely royalty. Why would a guy like that get married? Image.
Johnny Depp is obviously a pirate, but not just because he played one on tv. Rumor has it that Johnny Depp and his girlfriend both SMELL like pirates. And I would guess that he parties like a pirate on his island in the Bahamas.
The guy who bet against Bear Stearns back in March of '08 was a ninja. He made off with about $270 million and no one knows who he was. He might have had some help from his ninja clan, Goldman Sachs.
Amy Winehouse is a drunk. At only 26 she's already smoked enough crack to cause emphysema. I'm betting she won't have another #1 hit single for a while.
1: Royalty
2: Pirates
3: Ninjas
and
4: drunks
General Assumptions
1: All people are primarily out for their own advancement, even if they don't know it.
2: The fourth category can be combined with any of the first three categories, resulting in a combo category.
Royalty
Kings and Queens and Court Jesters
These are the people who advance themselves through some variation of political positioning. They carefully plan their moves, often setting plans far into the future. They are VERY concerned with how they are perceived by others. They usually have well-defined day-to-day plans and major objectives. Royal people will entertain many alliances and have no qualms with maintaining an alliance purely for political gain.
Pirates
Salty (sometimes even scurvy) Sea Dogs
Pirates take what they want. They will step on shoes, cut throats, and cannonball your mother to get it. They don't care how loud or stupid they may look while they're doing it, either, so long as they get the booty in the end. A pirate will have a few close pirate chums, but even those are expendable in the right circumstances.
Ninjas
Do you hear that?
Ninjas slip in while you're asleep, take everything, crap on your sleeping face, and leave before you can smell it. Ninjas don't want to be noticed. They want the rest of the world to go about its business while they play in the shadows. If you discover a ninja at play, he will probably cut your head off. Ninjas work alone or in small clans.
drunks
Anyone can be a drunk. Royal people have to attend a lot of parties to keep up appearances, so they tend to be social drinkers. Pirates party HARD. Ninjas prefer a sober mind, but like a shot of saki to unwind.
Drunks live day to day. The big picture doesn't make sense to them, so they tend to just try and make it through with the least amount of pain and difficulty possible. Drunks have lost their dreams, so they substitute them with an alcoholic haze. Drunks have many drinking buddies but don't remember all of their names.
Examples:
Tiger Woods is definitely royalty. Why would a guy like that get married? Image.
Johnny Depp is obviously a pirate, but not just because he played one on tv. Rumor has it that Johnny Depp and his girlfriend both SMELL like pirates. And I would guess that he parties like a pirate on his island in the Bahamas.
The guy who bet against Bear Stearns back in March of '08 was a ninja. He made off with about $270 million and no one knows who he was. He might have had some help from his ninja clan, Goldman Sachs.
Amy Winehouse is a drunk. At only 26 she's already smoked enough crack to cause emphysema. I'm betting she won't have another #1 hit single for a while.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
I Can't Win.
I would think that after 6 years of saying stupid things on the internet (calling that girl a bean bag, sending that pastor an email telling him to fornicate his mother, and that whole diet pill pyramid scheme) that I would learn to not express my emotions on the internet.
BUT NO!!! I say something out of anger and frustration on Twitter and it gets turned against me. And here's the kick in the crotch: it wasn't even dealing with said turning party!
Seriously: I can't win. Ever.
Moon was pretty damn good, by the way. Go watch it when you get a chance.
BUT NO!!! I say something out of anger and frustration on Twitter and it gets turned against me. And here's the kick in the crotch: it wasn't even dealing with said turning party!
Seriously: I can't win. Ever.
Moon was pretty damn good, by the way. Go watch it when you get a chance.
the new yorker and libraries
I've been reading the New Yorker to kill time until I get to run a
great escape out of here and have found two things:
great escape out of here and have found two things:
1) further evidence that no interesting or culturally valuable books
suggested by any publication are to be found in the Orlando library
and
2) this link to awful library books: http://awfullibrarybooks.wordpress.com/
late
11, it's 11 am, it's 11 am Saturday and I'm not teaching anything. I'm
sitting in my office drinking terrible coffee because nobody showed up
to my 10:30 class. Really it's just three students anyway but they
were all so enthusiastic and excited I'm amazed nobody's here.
sitting in my office drinking terrible coffee because nobody showed up
to my 10:30 class. Really it's just three students anyway but they
were all so enthusiastic and excited I'm amazed nobody's here.
Every time the office door opens I think it's going to be one of them,
which would be really awful. Really really awful. Apologizing and me:
don't worry about it. In my head: because I get to sit here. Of
course. As if I'm going to be upset that you spared me having to pace
around and scrawl on a board, inking my fingers every time I touch a
concept.
Worst-case scenario, which happens all too often: one person will show
up 15 minutes late. By now I've settled back into my office and yes,
really I should say that's it, it's over, go home. But usually I will
say okay, let's go. And then we go down to the room. And then, 30
minutes later, someone else will show up. This is at the 45-minute
mark, remember. And the class is an hour max. So then shit gets
awkward. Do you rehash? Cut losses and carry on? A mess. Better for
everyone to stay home.
Saturday morning courses are incredibly popular before they
start--people clamoring for the open seats, let me in, I work all the
time, it's awful, I run prayer meetings at church, give blood, I'm an
active vigilante, and then by the second or third week they're dead
out. Maybe this speaks to my ability to string together interesting
lectures. But in my defense, the course subject is remedial grammar.
Its backbone is composed of commas and semicolons. How exciting can it
be for anyone?
. . .
I have got myself into this terrible dilemma. I have signed up for a
5k race in which my office will have a team. I signed up because the
race begins about a block from my front door and will involve free
beer. The problem is that I went running through our neighborhood last
night and it was terrible. Legs aching and chest a balloon filled with
cold air. And weird: strange people on cell phones on the street,
people strolling slowly alone through shadows on the edges of parks.
Sprinklers kicking water into the 9 pm air.
. . .
I am putting together a writing project set in Des Moines. The main
character doesn't have a car and is walking and I've been estimating
distances and times with what I thought was some pretty stretchy
creative license but just now I started Google Mapsing estimates for
walking time and it's really not that unrealistic that you could walk
across the entire fucking city. Merle Hay to the Capitol Complex: just
over two hours. Wes's old apartment to the airport: an hour forty.
This shit is amazing. Why did we even own vehicles? I challenge you
all to drive your cars into the river beneath the Court Ave bridge and
get locomoting everywhere.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
The Monster Machine
So get this: a painter decides that he's going to take kid drawings and paint them realistically. And then he publishes a book about it.
I am having tax trouble this year. However, I am getting back more than I anticipated the first time. Woot?
I am having tax trouble this year. However, I am getting back more than I anticipated the first time. Woot?
God bless the little redboxes
Hit up the local Redbox on Tuesday. Other than being harassed by punk kids about my age hanging around outside the local store, back in my day we respected our elders, so I just stood back and waited for them to leave, then grabbed some new release action. Or as it goes in this town, some of last weeks as well because with only ten copies around, it takes time. If you didn't go see this in theaters, then you certainly missed out on something, because I watched it on DVD and I realized this would of been a great popcorn movie in front of the silver screen. The action was good and so was the storytelling, even though it went back and forth from a grand scale to a personal scale a few times, well done transitioning never pulled me out of the story. If you saw "Day After Tomorrow", same director, you will enjoy this one as well. And the high death toll scenes make get ya in the cockles from time to time. Rent it if you haven't seen it, or find it in a second run still playing it if you can.
This was a fun little movie worth the watch at home when you got some free time and don't want to go anywhere. It's just the telling of a story so don't expect a huge revelation at the end, but the way they tell it makes it fun and entertaining. Rent it for a Sunday afternoon with some popcorn and a beer.
So after three days of movie watching with my free time, we come to this. It was not even close to what I thought it was going to be. Based on a short story "Button, Button", I thought it all sounded very familiar. This is like something 12 year old Tim would read over the summer break. In fact I'm sure he did and we talked about it on the porch while watching Price is Right. So it was ok by sci-fi suspense standards. Netflix or instant cue it some time.That's it. Now I'm going to work from the third day in a row with a head cold and eye infections. Most likely from work.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
St. Patty's
So, it's a little early to be thinking about St. Patrick's day, but I have been thinking about it nonetheless. Thus, today I randomly requested that entire week off of work...and it seems my request has been granted. My intentions are as follows:
1. Apply for more and more and more jobs.
2. Visit Des Moines!
3. Visit Council Bluff/Omaha.
4. Visit Iowa City.
Not necessarily in that order. However, I'm thinking about making this trip in about 5ish days. Thus, 3 stops, 3 cities, 5 days, and travel time. You do the math. Sadly, St. Patrick's day is on a Wednesday. But, what is everyone doing between March 13th and March 21st?...as my trip will include one of those two weekends.
but things ain't so bad, cause I got a galaxie 500
1. Apply for more and more and more jobs.
2. Visit Des Moines!
3. Visit Council Bluff/Omaha.
4. Visit Iowa City.
Not necessarily in that order. However, I'm thinking about making this trip in about 5ish days. Thus, 3 stops, 3 cities, 5 days, and travel time. You do the math. Sadly, St. Patrick's day is on a Wednesday. But, what is everyone doing between March 13th and March 21st?...as my trip will include one of those two weekends.
but things ain't so bad, cause I got a galaxie 500
Monday, March 01, 2010
